Blog /Mental Health

One of the fantastic aspects to working at PEERS is our values.  Although PEERS is not an age-concentrated organization, we have a fabulous transition age youth program called TAYi (Transition Age Youth Initiative). TAYi serves youth at risk for involvement in the mental-health care, foster care and juvenile-justice systems.  In honor of our values, we have asked the youth in our program to blog about their experiences or what keeps them well.  Thank you for taking the time to read our youths' posts!  
--Letty Elenes
TAYi Coordinator/WRAP Lead
 

Cristina Cross
Holding down a job, internship, apartment, etc. while going to school and dealing with everyday life can be very stressful at times. To help stay above it all and keep from feeling overwhelmed, I like to have some “me time.” My “me time” consists of things that allow me to relax and refresh from everyday stress of going from one responsibility to another. My favorite “me time” activities include: sleeping in on Sunday mornings, getting away on little trips (even if its just to a nearby friend's house that I haven’t seen in a while) and good ol’ retail therapy (if my pockets are up to it). A few more things I enjoy doing include: journaling, working out, eating chocolate, going to places with a nice view, getting a change of scenery and nature walks (I know, it sounds cheesy but it is actually pretty awesome.) There is also great pleasure in doing absolutely nothing but lying around. Balance is the name of the game!

Having time to myself for these activities relaxes me because they are done out of pure recreation. There are no grades or performance evaluation I have to worry about.  No deadlines, set rules or boundaries to follow. I am free to do as I please! Taking out some time for myself keeps me from feeling overwhelmed. It also gives me something to look forward to. Speaking of anticipation, I can’t wait until this weekend where I will be utilizing some “me time” by going on a mini road trip to visit friends and family in LA. I am so excited to switch up my scene and be around loved ones I haven’t seen in a while. I haven’t even left yet and I’m already starting to feel a sense of joy and relief. I don’t get to have "me time" as often as I’d like to.  When I do, I am reminded of how a little bit of space and self- care can help refresh my spirits.

Rocio Elenes
I never thought this day would come, the day I go and choose my prom dress. Since I was a little girl, I've always wanted to dress up like a princess.  I didn’t have a Quinceañera so prom was my only chance. I looked online excessively before even going to the mall.  I was so excited to find the dress I wanted. So, I was at the mall with my friend and I see a prom dress store. I walked in and picked out a lot of dresses. I was having problems with the zipper on the first dress. I peeked outside the dressing room for help. I saw all of the other girls with their moms helping them out. I wanted to call out to my friend, but she was on the other side of the store. I tried on the next dress and ran into the same problem. I just needed help. I finally got into one by myself and went outside the dressing room to the mirrors and I loved it. There was just no one else there to love it with me. All of the other girls had their moms with them to tell them they looked wonderful.  The woman who worked at the store told me I looked great just to convince me to buy the dress. That day made me sad. My mom passed away years ago. I didn’t have anyone to tell me how breathtaking I looked. I didn’t want to even go to prom anymore. I started thinking of other excuses of why I shouldn’t go: it was too expensive, I didn’t have a limo, or prom was on a Friday.  Then one random day, my sister said that she wanted to buy me the dress. So I made plans with my sister to go to San Francisco the next day to find one. My sister, my niece, and my cousin all went with me and I was excited again. The first dress I tried on was the perfect one and all of them thought so too. That’s when I realized that my mom was there. She was my sister! My whole family has raised me.  They are who keep me well. They make me feel better even when they don’t even know that something is wrong.

Erica Thompson

Black Jesus
By Erica Thompson
Inspired by the film "Red Tails"

Black Jesus

Wherefore thou Black Jesus

I am hidden in darkness

Ashes

negro the spanish word for black

derogatory derivatives

Why do you call me a Ni---r?

Don't you know its offensive

I am black and beautiful

I fly fighter airplanes

I survive the Germans

Schwartz the German word for black

I am not an Afrikaner

I am a human being

Thank you for taking the time to read our youths' posts! We welcome comments :)

One of the fantastic aspects to working at PEERS is our values. Although PEERS is not an age-concentrated organization, we have a fabulous transition age youth program called TAYi (Transition Age Youth Initiative). TAYi serves youth at risk for involvement in the mental-health care, foster care and juvenile-justice systems. In honor of our values, we have asked the youth in our program to blog about their experiences or what keeps them well. Thank you for taking the time to read our youths' posts!
--Letty Elenes
TAYi Coordinator/WRAP Lead

Pedro Alvarez          
As soon as I arrived to my first TAYi meeting, I felt welcomed and like I belonged. That was huge to me because prior to joining TAYi, I was getting in trouble in the streets with painting, stealing, etc. Basically I was up to no good, which caused my parents to yell and be mad at me. At the time, I hated them for not understanding my lifestyle. Now looking back years later, I understand what they were going through. If it weren't for TAYi, I would still be in what I like to call the “Dead End Lifestyle”. They kept me busy and made me feel important. They gave me jobs and opportunities to make money while doing what I love. One job that really stood out for me was making a mental wellness game board with my fellow youth that reflected my community. My job was to design and draw the game board on a huge canvas. They let me do whatever I want with it so I had a lot of fun.  Months later after the completion, PEERS invited me to present the game in Orland, Florida at the national consumer conference Alternatives! It was an amazing experience. I’m really grateful I found out about the TAYi. I can honestly say if it weren't for it, my life wouldn’t be the same.
 

Angel Cortes
My experience with PEERS and the TAYi has been not only a rewarding experience, but a very fun experience. I have been given the opportunity to express myself and not feel judged or ashamed of whom I am. I’ve been given the opportunity to speak out about everyday TAY problems and ways that we want to change things within the system. As I continue to participate and share my story with peers, providers and consumers, I feel that speaking out has given me an insight as to who I am. And I will continue to advocate for TAY and anybody with mental health issues. I enjoy working with the TAYi and PEERS because the presentations we give have always been from the heart. The trainings we attend are very educational and interesting. I hope to inspire consumers and providers with not only our actions, but also our words. If I had not joined TAYi, I might not been so informed about mental health and events affecting the communities. I never thought I would enjoy working in such a field because I didn’t feel like I would be able to do my part. As I continue work in this field, my ultimate goal is to inform and change the system to something that doesn’t discriminate against mental health consumers.
 

Kimberly Marquez
My experience doing WRAP and recently becoming a WRAP facilitator wasn’t as simple as I had imagined. The whole process was tedious, long, tiring, stressful and irritating. But in the end, it is one of my greatest accomplishments to date. I recall filling out the application and thinking to myself, "This is going to be easy. I already know this and I got this in the bag." Needless to say, that was ridiculous thinking on my part to be so cocky. During the three-day training, I quickly found out that I had to make sure I was well and that my plan was working for me before I could even think about facilitating. After completing the three-day training, I once again said, " Oh five days of this is going to be easy. I’m well; my plan is good so how hard can it be? I’ll just do exactly what the facilitators did and not break a sweat." Well, once again that was one of the most stupid things I could have thought. On day one of the five-day training, I realized this was no joke. If I intended on completing the five-day training and starting my own WRAP group I better know how many sections there are, what are a trigger and wellness tools. So there I was again stuck in my head, thinking I knew it all and realizing I wasn’t even close. After having completed a total of eight full-day trainings and 25 mentoring hour, I wasn’t prepared for the butt kicking I got. I didn’t know that it would be so much work, that I would learn so much and that I would use all of that information in my day- to- day life. Having gone through all that work made me cherish my certificate because I worked hard to get it. Being one of the youngest facilitators certified made me prouder. All I have to say now is I did it !!!

Thank you for taking the time to read our youths' posts! We welcome comments :)

I walked into the main office at PEERS one chilly winter day not knowing what to expect. I was nervous and excited about beginning my first day of working for a consumer-run agency as the Project Coordinator. In my postion, I work on statewide projects that help eliminate stigma and discrimination. As I waited to get set up in my new office, I heard voices of laughter coming from down the hall, and noticed how people appeared to be happy as they came into work to start their day. I was quickly oriented to the workings of my new office and before I knew it, I was ready to begin my first day. I was quickly booked into multiple meetings from San Francisco to Sacramento to learn all about the various projects I would be working on and met many people I would be working with.

Over the next several days I found myself increasingly impressed by how PEERS manages to be a friendly, fun, and professionally- balanced work environment. I’m pleased to say that as I sit in my office writing this blog one month from the day I started, I really appreciate working at PEERS. I'm happy to be a part of an organization that has the capability of making a real difference in the lives of people with mental health issues throughout the state of California. 

Also, since coming to PEERS, I've experienced some mental health symptoms, which for a short time were affecting my ability to sleep. Throughout the experience I felt very much supported and understood, and I appreciated that. I have never worked in a consumer-run organization before and I didn’t know what to expect at first. PEERS has so far exceeded my expectations. I am grateful to be working with the PEERS team who has come to make me feel very welcome in my new job.

An underlying sense of counting down – A rhythm deep: a defeated force has overcome me. I fret and frown only wading in the muck existing here in what is blackened life. Feeling enshrined in overwhelming strife. Darkness is slowly pulling me under. I yell for help but no one is there to hear it. The darkness won't let go of its hold on me. For, I stand at the boundary of light and darkness. All of the strength All of the courage that I once held in my heart is no longer there. No one can save me. I don't want to fight anymore There is no more possibility. Time has come to halt all the pain, so I can now relish into eternity. I want to be gone out of this world of conscientiousness, undetected by the occupants of this world. I've given into darkness. Goodbye forever… Or so I thought. Today, I am alive and I continue to rise! Above is a poem about feelings I have felt about ending my own life. Suicide is a tragic event, and I share my story on surviving suicide to shed light on darkness. I want to cast light into the areas of shadows. This past week, Don Cornelius shot himself in the head, allegedly taking his own life. We lost a legacy that impacted pop culture and gave significant influence to that of black performers. Don Cornelius was the founder and host of Soul Train. However, his son Tony Cornelius said in a CBS interview that his father was "very unhappy about some things" and had health problems. Today I take a stand. It’s time to deal with the horrific pain many people face and help others through their grief, as opposed to them taking their own lives. All creatures instinctually value life. Even a blade of grass or flower fights for the privilege of life. It’s time to listen carefully to the stories of others so our knowledge of suicide can deepen and grow. If we persist in this process, digging and sifting, like rocks beneath the surface of a plowed field; the reality of suicide can end. Some suicides may be sudden and impulsive; others are the result of dealing with hardship and pain over many weeks, months, or even years. From my personal experience, a person who is considering suicide is experiencing severe stress and is at a serious personal crisis. Risk increases as the crisis, or the individual's perception of it, worsens. Feelings of control and self-esteem deteriorate. Shame and guilt may lead to self-alienation and isolation. Suicide is completed when the emotional pain is so unbearable that death is seen as the only relief. Suicide is a result of extreme hopelessness and helplessness. The contemplation of suicide comes to those who feel that nothing or no one can help them. Not only does the person who has taken their life end, suicide has repercussions for everyone involved. The grief it causes is intense and prolonged. The loss of a loved one who committed suicide is forever felt. This I know, because my cousin recently took her own life. Why? I do not know. What I do know is that her face will never be seen again, her voice will never be heard again. She is forever missed and many people have been hurt. The darkness need not surround us! No more struggling… No more pain…. "Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it." ~ By Mother Teresa

I wonder if Yasmeen Vaughan and I ever crossed paths. We're both about the same age and build. We're black women from Oakland. She graduated from Mills College and I grew up near there. Judging by her photos we have similar taste in fashion. Maybe we passed each other in a clothing store or at a flea market.

According to the Oakland Tribune, Yasmeen went missing a few weeks before Christmas of last year. Reports from her family claim she lived with untreated mental health problems. Relatives said that was the reason why Yasmeen isolated herself from them. So having no contact with her for a length of time wasn't new. When I first heard this story in January, I became worried for Yasmeen. When Africans Americans go missing, often the media passes us by. The U.K.'s Daily Mail reports that black people make up 40% of suspicious disappearances, but missing white women get the most media coverage. Which is why black cable network TV One created the new series "Find Our Missing."

Yasmeen's mental health problems caused my concerns to grew even more. I thought about Mitrice Richardson, a young black woman from South Los Angeles with bipolar disorder who disappeared a few years ago. She drove to an expensive Malibu restaurant that she couldn't afford and was acting odd. Some in the restaurant described her as behaving like she was on drugs. The staff called the police. Richardson was taken into custody by the Malibu Sheriff Dept., but released late night/early morning by herself. No family members were contacted to pick her up. If you've never been to Malibu, it's mostly beach, windy roads and cliffs. One year later, she was found dead in a deserted Malibu area.

Unfortunately, Yasmeen's story has a similar ending to Mitrice's. In mid-December, a security guard found her alive, clinging to rocks at the Oakland Estuary. Who knows how long she had been in those frigid waters. She died at a hospital a few hours later. The body was recently identified about one week ago. Yasmeen reportedly had no wallet or identification on her. What really pained me reading this story in the Oakland Tribune was a quote from her mother.

"'(Yasmeen) had cut herself off from all her friends and family. Part of the problem (with getting help for mental health issues) is the stigma that people of color have for reaching out for help.' Deborah Vaughan said she had not spoken to her daughter for weeks before she was found."

Another life loss because of mental health stigma. If only she knew good help was out there and having a mental health issue does not make her inferior. I wish she would have known that she could have a mental health issue and still live a quality life. I see testaments of this everyday at my job. Stories like Yasmeen and Mitrice's are another reminder of why what we do at PEERS is critical. Stopping stigma literally saves lives. I don't want Yasmeen Vaughan to have died in vain. Her death fuels my drive to inform the community about mental health. If she was anything like me, I think Yasmeen would want me to do just that.

 
Yasmeen Vaughan

It was by the grace of God and my employer P.E.E.R.S that I was given the great honor and privilege of attending the Alternatives 2011 Conference held in Orlando, Florida. Alternatives is the oldest national mental health conference organized by and for consumers. I met a diverse group of people who were eager to share personal stories with me, a complete stranger. In my awkwardness, I found myself listening attentively, nodding my head and making many facial gestures. It can be quite overwhelming hearing people’s stories and not getting around to share my own. I’ve come to the conclusion that people like sharing their stories with those who listen, but they aren’t very good at listening to other’s stories.

I struggle with and become quite anxious when it comes to telling my story of recovery. What I’ve come to realize about myself is that I don’t feel safe sharing my story with everyone. Everyone isn’t interested in hearing my story. There have been times when I’ve shared my story and felt what I said wasn’t taken seriously. Those situations left me feeling devalued. The purpose for sharing my story is for my own healing, first and foremost, and to be an example for those faced with similar life experiences.

The first workshop I attended at the conference was “Crafting Your Story,” presented by monologist Elizabeth Kenny. It was priceless. She answered many unresolved dilemmas confronting me and provide various tools I could work with. I finally found a process and technique to telling my story. I have so much to tell. I just can’t tell it all at one time (something I always find myself doing). This practice will help me stay focused on one story at a time. It has also helped me discover and uncover those testimonies deep within that, when shared, will heal, deliver and set others free. My stories are too powerful to keep to myself. I learned how I could obtain my goals and overcome tremendous obstacles in telling my story. I will perfect my story and delivery when presenting before an audience.  

Trusting the process and myself is a good place to start. Elizabeth encouraged us future storytellers to think and say to ourselves, “I’ve always had (fill in the blank).”  And we should ask ourselves such questions as:
What’s the point to what I am saying?
Did you hear the fullness of what I said?
Is it clear where I’ve come from and where I’ve gone?
What would happen if I told my story backward?

I learned from Elizabeth that it’s important I captivate the audience’s curiosity when getting my point across. As I establish an emotional connection without getting too emotional, I’m able to share my most intimate memories effectively and with clarity. I must admit, after the workshop I wanted to apply these techniques right away.

Elizabeth held several group exercises. The one that impressed me the most was “Telling Your Story without Emotions.” I don’t want to overwhelm my audience by being overly emotional. I leaned to practice until I reach a place of telling my story with a tone that doesn’t waver, but keeps the audience engaged. Elizabeth told us that 90% of the time the audience has heard a story like yours before. It’s the 10% they haven’t heard. And that’s you, telling your own story, not someone else’s story. The benefit to telling your own story is that you decide what and how much you want to share.

Storytelling Exercise
It takes skills to reach this level of storytelling. Here is an exercise I took away from the workshop:

• Get color-coded index cards and write a word, sentence or paragraph (whatever comes to mind), on separate cards.
• Write a topic for whatever word(s) you’ve written for each card. You can go into as much detail as you want about the word.
• Shuffle the deck. Pull a card daily, weekly or monthly until you have completed a story for each word on a card.

This practice will allow me to empty my soul, let go of all my fears and get focused on one experience at a time during my storytelling. As I study these topics, I will eventually reach a point where I am able to retain and maintain each topic, and tell my story with a natural flow.

I’ve discovered a greater confidence within myself for the love of people. It’s been my goal to help others find themselves (the Will) and accept, love and encourage themselves for who they are, and capable of becoming. I thank you Elizabeth for being a beacon of enlightenment.