Blog /February 2012
As a PEERS employee I was asked to write a blog about anything that has to do with wellness. My first thought was, "Oh no, I hate writing." Immediately, I was looking for ways to get out of writing this blog. But nope, none of my plans worked. So there I was in my cubicle days later, staring at my computer screen and listening to music on my headphones while thinking, "What can I write about?"
At first I thought I would write about my role with PEERS, but that topic was far too complicated to cover in a post. After all I only needed to write a blog post, not a book. I kept questioning myself about why I was having such a hard time writing about wellness. I talk about wellness every day. Then, my light bulb lit up I needed to focus on my strengths. I was too busy focusing on my weakness. I instantly changed my perspective on writing about my personal wellness (although, I am my favorite subject). I only had one more problem; I have never written a blog before. What if I write about what keeps me well and pretend that I am chatting on-line? That didn’t work too well. So there I was again, stuck in front of the computer and listening to music. My toes were moving to the beat as I imagined dancing at a nightclub until my feet hurt.
Suddenly "my song" came on and I started thinking of all the great memories I had about this song. I stopped thinking about my blog-writing problems for a second to smile and really listen to the lyrics, “Te quiero te amo mi amor te adoro me gustas me encantas de todo a todo tus dulces caricias me vuelven loco soy todo tuyo de cualquier modo.” I don’t have the words to really express the pleasure I got from dancing in my cubicle. However, I had a task to finish and that was writing this blog about my personal wellness. But for some reason I was in too great of a mood to write a blog. I was wiggling, dancing and, enjoying the memories from all of the songs that I call "my song" when I hear them. I was reminiscing over the many times I was in the car jumping every time one of "my songs" came on and saying, "Oh girl, that's my song! Turn it up!" All of a sudden I realized music and dancing are my wellness tools. I guess writing this blog was not too bad after all.
An underlying sense of counting down – A rhythm deep: a defeated force has overcome me. I fret and frown only wading in the muck existing here in what is blackened life. Feeling enshrined in overwhelming strife. Darkness is slowly pulling me under. I yell for help but no one is there to hear it. The darkness won't let go of its hold on me. For, I stand at the boundary of light and darkness. All of the strength All of the courage that I once held in my heart is no longer there. No one can save me. I don't want to fight anymore There is no more possibility. Time has come to halt all the pain, so I can now relish into eternity. I want to be gone out of this world of conscientiousness, undetected by the occupants of this world. I've given into darkness. Goodbye forever… Or so I thought. Today, I am alive and I continue to rise! Above is a poem about feelings I have felt about ending my own life. Suicide is a tragic event, and I share my story on surviving suicide to shed light on darkness. I want to cast light into the areas of shadows. This past week, Don Cornelius shot himself in the head, allegedly taking his own life. We lost a legacy that impacted pop culture and gave significant influence to that of black performers. Don Cornelius was the founder and host of Soul Train. However, his son Tony Cornelius said in a CBS interview that his father was "very unhappy about some things" and had health problems. Today I take a stand. It’s time to deal with the horrific pain many people face and help others through their grief, as opposed to them taking their own lives. All creatures instinctually value life. Even a blade of grass or flower fights for the privilege of life. It’s time to listen carefully to the stories of others so our knowledge of suicide can deepen and grow. If we persist in this process, digging and sifting, like rocks beneath the surface of a plowed field; the reality of suicide can end. Some suicides may be sudden and impulsive; others are the result of dealing with hardship and pain over many weeks, months, or even years. From my personal experience, a person who is considering suicide is experiencing severe stress and is at a serious personal crisis. Risk increases as the crisis, or the individual's perception of it, worsens. Feelings of control and self-esteem deteriorate. Shame and guilt may lead to self-alienation and isolation. Suicide is completed when the emotional pain is so unbearable that death is seen as the only relief. Suicide is a result of extreme hopelessness and helplessness. The contemplation of suicide comes to those who feel that nothing or no one can help them. Not only does the person who has taken their life end, suicide has repercussions for everyone involved. The grief it causes is intense and prolonged. The loss of a loved one who committed suicide is forever felt. This I know, because my cousin recently took her own life. Why? I do not know. What I do know is that her face will never be seen again, her voice will never be heard again. She is forever missed and many people have been hurt. The darkness need not surround us! No more struggling… No more pain…. "Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is bliss, taste it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it." ~ By Mother Teresa